2023 ended on a sad note. A mother, sister, grandmother, daughter departed and left a gap that in my view will affect many.
I have fond memories of my aunt coming in from Saudi Arabia and bringing with her all sorts of provisions. These memories are stored well in at least two houses that served as homes for our stay in Kenya. Recently when we were coming to grips with the absense of our aunt at least in the form for which we have grown familiar, my brother sent us a photo that stirred up quite a lot from the past. She was smiling dimples in place with a red dress (possibly her favorite color). The three of us were looking goofy while Kezi the second born had a more serious regal demeanor.
While in California i got to see her again although we did not interact much. She was taking a walk…i was visiting a library. She was visiting her grandchildren and talking to her daughter in law. I had just come to Los Angeles, California and was living on a street called Magnolia. Dad’s instructions to me were to think of my relationship with my cousin as one of father or in other words in loco parentis.
On coming to Uganda much later, she was instrumental in my care and when i fell sick and was admitted to Mengo Hospital she made sure that i was presentable.
She had a critics. She was firm. If you went through her hands, you were sure to later appreciate all the effort she put in helping you learn all sorts of things including work ethic and service.
A long time friend of hers decribed her ss a blend between the old world and the new world at least in reference to Buganda Tradition and the modern day.
She struggled with people who had treated her badly but those were contovertial times for all of us. But i think that this is a particularly delicate area for women.
She spoke fondly of Obote II the second term that was served by one of Uganda’s presidents. When i pressed her about the possibility of some royal blood as some members of the family were researching and pursuing, she vehemently rejected this idea. Often she made references to past memories of growing up and living in the house in Menvu, Malebese. She had a troubled relationship with thw hospital that took care of her mother. A nurse through and through who was spoken of well by those who she took care of.
She loved to read her newspaper and listen to the radio.
Her picutres of her grandchildren brought her much joy and her very clean house seems to have resulted in a lot of joy. As many made reference, she liked ot spend time especially during holidays in her ancenstral home. Here she shared meals and cake with the young children many of whom you were certain would only if at all get to taste these kinds of things at events like weddings or introductions if they were ever to be allowed to attend.
The people from whom i come have a belief that once you name the heir to one that has passed, the time of mourning ceases. The same people also bear little or no fear of death. The process or means of death may be troubling but i detect little or no fear of the afterlife. Instead many usually have a sense of satisfaction when relatives are named after them in a sense guaranteeing that they live on. Like dad i do not know if i will see you again in the form with which i was familair what i pray though is that you will have a sense of peace and comfort.
I remember visiting you in hospital and leaving you behind even though you seemed to be seeking my help. I am grateful for those who also saw your value and sacrificed their time to take care of you. From what i know about our culture, you were tasked with taking care of the graves of those who had departed. When we visited i saw you do so even when you were aging.
I ask for a journey that will be bearable and that the gap you have left will be filled with memories and joys.
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